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Australia: Sex is wonderful, magical, a sacrament…

June 22, 2013

…so have a burping contest instead.

Christian schools say it’s hardly surprising they think students should have a burping contest instead of having sex.

Christian Schools Australia CEO Steve O’Doherty says horse riding, eating something new, blowing bubbles and playing ball without the ball are all better options than doing the deed.

They were among a “101 things to do instead of doing it” pamphlet which was recently given to out to students at Caloundra Christian College in Queensland.

Mr O’Doherty is surprised by the media coverage the pamphlet has received.

“Christian schools teach that the safest way of protecting yourself medically and emotionally is to wait until a stable, married relationship,” he said.

“It’s hardly front-page news that Christians have that perspective.”


That’s true, Steve, we do know you’re out-of-touch morons. It’s still just a little surprising when you stand up and admit it in public.

Here are some things from the pamphlet to do instead of sex:

Blow bubbles in the park
Pretend you’re six again
Look at clouds and see what you can make them into
Surprise your parents by cleaning the house
Have a water fight
Go fruit picking
Go to Macca’s in formals
Make lunch for the elderly
Share a drink with two straws
Visit the RSPCA
Have a burping contest
Visit a priest at home, and ask if there’s anything you can do for them
Stone some homosexuals to death

No, sorry, I made those last ones up. Could you tell?


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