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Global: Song of a Grant Application

January 24, 2013

Dedicated to Bryan Fischer.

See here for the music.

A year has passed since he departed this place.
We put our best psychics to work on his case.
Here’s what they had to tell —
Christopher Hitchens is burning in Hell.

It was hard to hear what he was saying beneath
The sounds of the wailing and gnashing of teeth,
But the worst thing of all there, he said, was the smell.
Christopher Hitchens is burning in Hell.

“God hates sinners — I know that now.
I wish I could get back to Earth somehow.
I’d be so good, with a soul so white.
Tell my brother Peter that he-e was right.”

“I’ve got my own demon — he’s got a big whip.
And just when I think that I’ve given him the slip,
He jumps out from behind a big rock and says ‘BOO!
Wish you were in heaven? Well, sucks to you!'”

He’s in the Sixth Circle, or so we assume
From his fervid descriptions of Stygian gloom
And Madalyn Murray O’Hare’s there as well.
Christopher Hitchens is burning in Hell.

He warns all the atheists back here on Earth
To sign up with Jesus and swallow their mirth,
“Repent!” — that bit came through as clear as a bell.
Christopher Hitchens is burning in Hell.

So please, Mr Templeton, send us some cash
To pay for our psychics, and we’ll have a bash
At making up more tragic stories to sell,
Like ‘Christopher Hitchens is burning in Hell’.

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