Swaziland: High-flying witches brought down to earth

HIGH-FLYING witches face arrest and a heavy fine if they break new laws, authorities in Swaziland have said.

US: Corruption vs lunacy — a tough choice?

Apparently not.

Pakistan: We don’t need no stinking democracy!

ISLAMABAD: The Taliban has vowed a nationwide campaign of terrorism targeting candidates and voters in Saturday’s general election in Pakistan.

US: Celebrity idiots, part MCCXLVIII…

Cupping therapy is an ancient alternative medicine in which a local suction is created on the skin.

US: Death is good for you, says prize-winning wingnut

Holding a Templeton essay contest is like putting treacle in a bucket as a lure for cockroaches: it wastes a lot of treacle, but at least it concentrates all the stupid in one place.

Turkey: Atheism is a form of autism, says idiot

Autism associations around Turkey have reacted angrily after the head of Adana’s Health and Education Associations for Autistic Children reportedly said autistic children were “atheists due to a lack of a section for faith in their brains.”

Australia: Female guru recommends self-immolation

Well, what else does ‘ignite your own spirit’ mean?

Global: Your guide to conspiracy theories

Crispians-Conspiracy-Flowchart.png (963×1600)

But don’t let Them catch you consulting it!

US: When he was good, he was very, very good..

PZ Myers, on the ‘Islamophobia backlash’:

When the popular culture has been howling for centuries in protest at any expression of the idea that there is no god, you don’t get to use the word “backlash” any more, OK? You don’t get to pretend that this nonsense is something new. It’s just a “lash”, yet another in the commonplace droning torrent of complaint. And they don’t have a single original idea in that complaint, either.

Pharyngula.

UK: Those who can’t do, teach…

Those who can’t teach write the manuals.

Those who can’t write do performance art.

UK: Karen Armstrong tells us how to find God…

…Just keep talking till you run out of nonsense.

Australia: Protecting a cultural right to abuse

Yes, there are reasons why people from tribal cultures move out, go to cities and emigrate to the West. They’re not just being silly.

Brazil: Lunatic bigot pastor gets off on insulting dead man

JOHN Lennon died because he offended God by suggesting the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, according to the embattled head of the Brazilian Congress’ human rights panel.

Nepal: Woman beaten and abused for ‘witchcraft’

Nepal’s women’s commission has condemned an attack in the remote west of the country on an elderly woman accused of witchcraft.

UK: Are you being persecuted?

Try this quick quiz:

…Are you prevented from constantly judging complete strangers?

Australia: How daft dietary laws cost YOU money

Think that crazy Islamic Halal food regulations have no impact on your life? Think again.

Vatican: Pope insists foot kissing ‘not gay’

THERE is nothing gay about gently washing another man’s feet and then giving them a kiss, the Pope has confirmed…

UK: Equal treatment for all faiths!

…except those stinkin’ atheists.

US: There are roughly 150 billion numeric sequences you can extract from genetic code…

…and one of them happens to be divisible by 37 — therefore God.

Nigeria: Who are you going to believe, some strange woman at church or your daughter?

Oh…

A 42-year-old father, Mr. Edet Etok-Akpan, is currently being quizzed at the headquarters of the Cross River State Police Command in Calabar for torturing his six-year-old daughter, Edidiong, as a result of a church prophetess’ pronouncement that the girl was a witch.

Indonesia: What’s an atheist to do?

Condemn the Indonesian government for believing in ‘black magic’, or praise them for making it illegal?

Global: If it helps people, we’re against it!

Efforts like the one being led by Bill Gates and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg have reduced the number of children paralyzed by the polio virus from 350,000 in 1998 to fewer than 225 cases in 2012.

Global: “Fear! Fear! We need more fear!”

A new survey by Globescan of 22,812 people in 22 countries, including Britain and the US makes depressing reading for Big Green, fear of CO2 is at a 20 year low, and this is despite billions of dollars being wasted on junk science projects with a preordained political result, and all gilded with never ending fear stories about impending environmental holocaust.

Australia: D-I-Y Sharia law — making it up as you go along

Four men have been found guilty of giving a Sydney electrician 40 lashes with a cable, which they said was a punishment under Islamic law for drinking alcohol and using drugs…

Vatican: Barmy Benny, the exorcist’s friend!

And you thought everyone hated Ratzo!

Father Gabriele Amorth, the founder and head of the International Association of Exorcists, said the German pontiff had “done many things for exorcists” during his eight-year papacy, which will come to an end on Feb 28.

He said Benedict, regarded as a staunch conservative during his time in office, had “allowed exorcists to administer the sacrament of exorcism not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.”

Telegraph

Our slogan: ‘Complete satisfaction or your demons back”.

Q: What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist’s fee?

A: You get repossessed.

As for ‘diabolical infestations’ — I’m sure there’s a joke there somewhere but it eludes me for the moment.

US: We KNOW Catholicism is true, because WE know it’s TRUE

BECAUSE we know IT’S true; that is, WE know IT’S TRUE because it IS, and we KNOW it. Clear?

UK: Prince of Wales’s charity nobbles homeopathy criticism

Draft guidance for the website NHS Choices warning that there is no evidence that homeopathy works was suppressed by officials following lobbying by a charity set up by the Prince of Wales.

Australia: Little Pebble’s parole application gets stony response

A cult leader who used his influence to rape several minors has not changed his behaviour and should not be granted parole, the NSW State Parole Authority says.

US: Take the last train to Clarksville…

…I’ll be hangin’ round the station.

PNG: Woman burnt for ‘sorcery’

Kepari Leniata, 20, was stripped, tortured, bound, doused in petrol and set on fire on a rubbish heap in the Western Highlands town of Mount Hagen on Wednesday. Police said she was accused of sorcery by relatives of a boy, 6, who died in Mount Hagen’s hospital the day before.

SMH