Vatican: Pope discovers yet another scapegoat

They’ve tried blaming the devil. They’ve tried blaming atheists. They’ve tried blaming the Seventies. Now it’s capitalism’s turn:

Ireland: Foetuses – 1: Women – 0

The Irish Catholic Church nails its blood-soaked colours to the mast.

Australia: The Child, the Priest, the Cop and the Other Cops

‘Catholic Mafia’ accused of interfering with police investigations into child abuse.

Australia: Catholic sect admits supporting and covering up pedophilia

THE Christian Brothers admit they were aware of abuse complaints against two brothers at Ballarat in Victoria but failed to tell police.

Malta: Maltesers not so sweet on blasphemy

A report on human rights around the world from the US Department of State has revealed that 99 individuals were convicted in Malta last year for “public blasphemy”, down from 119 in 2011….

Australia: Catholic priest charged with sex abuse

VICTORIAN Police have charged a Catholic priest with child sex offences after he returned to Melbourne from Rome.

El Salvador: Want an abortion?

Then die, witch, die!

Brazil: Lunatic bigot pastor gets off on insulting dead man

JOHN Lennon died because he offended God by suggesting the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, according to the embattled head of the Brazilian Congress’ human rights panel.

UK: Are you being persecuted?

Try this quick quiz:

…Are you prevented from constantly judging complete strangers?

US: These shoes aren’t made for posting…

So that’s not what we’ll do.
But one of these days these shoes are going
Postal over you.

I can’t extract the text so here’s a link to the image:

http://www.atheistberlin.com/skin/frontend/atheist/default/images/usps.png

ATHEIST SHOES

Q: How do you know your shoes are atheists?

A: They’ve got no soles.

Vatican: Pope insists foot kissing ‘not gay’

THERE is nothing gay about gently washing another man’s feet and then giving them a kiss, the Pope has confirmed…

UK: Equal treatment for all faiths!

…except those stinkin’ atheists.

UK: I am sailing, you are bailing…

To the tune of Sailing, by Gavin Sutherland.

India: Mother Teresa a greedy, faking sadist

Apparently Christopher Hitchens was too kind…

Vatican: And they’re R-r-r-acing!

Get out your top hats and best frocks — it’s nearly time for the Papal Sweepstakes!

UK: Scottish Cardinal resigns after ‘inappropriate behaviour’ allegations

Scottish Cardinal Keith O’Brien resigned as Archbishop of St. Andrews and Edinburgh on Monday, saying he won’t attend the coming conclave of cardinals to elect a successor to Pope Benedict XVI…

Australia: More Catholic cover-ups

The letter written by Stinson provides an insider’s view of the desperate efforts of a handful of priests to have action taken against Harris. When the archbishop stonewalled, the paedophile priest was moved to the next parish then left free to roam for almost 50 years…

Australia: Gay sex in Catholic Church needs immediate action, Pell says

Child abuse, not so much.

AUSTRALIA’S Cardinal George Pell yesterday called on the Vatican press office to respond “in some constructive way” to reports of an internal investigation by three senior cardinals that told Pope Benedict XVI about an insidious web of blackmail, corruption and homosexual sex inside the Vatican.

The Australian

Vatican: Barmy Benny, the exorcist’s friend!

And you thought everyone hated Ratzo!

Father Gabriele Amorth, the founder and head of the International Association of Exorcists, said the German pontiff had “done many things for exorcists” during his eight-year papacy, which will come to an end on Feb 28.

He said Benedict, regarded as a staunch conservative during his time in office, had “allowed exorcists to administer the sacrament of exorcism not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.”

Telegraph

Our slogan: ‘Complete satisfaction or your demons back”.

Q: What happens if you don’t pay your exorcist’s fee?

A: You get repossessed.

As for ‘diabolical infestations’ — I’m sure there’s a joke there somewhere but it eludes me for the moment.

Vatican: Like a ‘map of bad fish’

Or did we lose something in translation?

Pope Benedict XVI resigned after an internal investigation informed him about a web of blackmail, corruption and gay sex in the Vatican, Italian media reports say.

Three cardinals were asked by Benedict to verify allegations of financial impropriety, cronyism and corruption exposed in the so-called VatiLeaks affair.

On December 17, 2012, they handed the pontiff two red-leather bound volumes, almost 300 pages long, containing “an exact map of the mischief and the bad fish” inside the Holy See, La Repubblica said.

“It was on that day, with those papers on his desk, that Benedict XVI took the decision he had mulled over for so long,” said the centre-left newspaper. It said its article was the first of a series.

SMH

US: We KNOW Catholicism is true, because WE know it’s TRUE

BECAUSE we know IT’S true; that is, WE know IT’S TRUE because it IS, and we KNOW it. Clear?

US: Catholic cardinal admits to no original thought since 1964

Which should come as no surprise to anyone.

US: Catholic policy is staunch and unchanging…

…it’s always whatever’s expedient at the time.

Lori Stodghill was 31-years old, seven-months pregnant with twin boys and feeling sick when she arrived at St. Thomas More hospital in Cañon City on New Year’s Day 2006. She was vomiting and short of breath and she passed out as she was being wheeled into an examination room. Medical staff tried to resuscitate her but, as became clear only later, a main artery feeding her lungs was clogged and the clog led to a massive heart attack. Stodghill’s obstetrician, Dr. Pelham Staples, who also happened to be the obstetrician on call for emergencies that night, never answered a page. His patient died at the hospital less than an hour after she arrived and her twins died in her womb…

In the aftermath of the tragedy, Stodghill’s husband Jeremy, a prison guard, filed a wrongful-death lawsuit on behalf of himself and the couple’s then-two-year-old daughter Elizabeth…

The lead defendant in the case is Catholic Health Initiatives… Last year, the hospital chain reported national assets of $15 billion. The organization’s mission, according to its promotional literature, is to “nurture the healing ministry of the Church” and to be guided by “fidelity to the Gospel.” … “Catholic health care ministry witnesses to the sanctity of life ‘from the moment of conception until death,’” the directives state. “The Church’s defense of life encompasses the unborn.”…

But when it came to mounting a defense in the Stodghill case, Catholic Health’s lawyers effectively turned the Church directives on their head. Catholic organizations have for decades fought to change federal and state laws that fail to protect “unborn persons,” and Catholic Health’s lawyers in this case had the chance to set precedent bolstering anti-abortion legal arguments. Instead, they are arguing state law protects doctors from liability concerning unborn fetuses on grounds that those fetuses are not persons with legal rights.

The Colorado Independent – my emphasis.

Unfortunately the law is and should be the same for everyone, no matter what slimy slippery conniving lying bastards they turn out to be.

Australia: Ex-Catholic priest reveals the bleeding obvious…

…if your job requires you to renounce normal sex, you will look for gratification elsewhere.

MANY Catholic priests take a flexible approach to celibacy, tolerated by church leaders, and some believe sex with children or men does not count, a former Melbourne priest said on Wednesday.

”An enormous number of priests struggle with celibacy,” Philip O’Donnell told the state inquiry into how the churches handle child sex abuse.

”There’s a tolerance for imperfection in celibacy, and that may have led to a lessening of outrage at sex with children.”…

Mr O’Donnell declined to speculate on what percentage of Catholic priests, who must vow to be celibate, were sexually active, but another Melbourne priest has separately suggested it is about half.

Asked by committee member Andrea Coote whether priests believed only sex with women counted as real sex (breaking celibacy vows), and that homosexual and child sex did not, Mr O’Donnell said: ”Sometimes.”

SMH

US: Cross-dressing meth priest liked sex in rectory

The Catholic priest busted for allegedly dealing crystal meth was suspended after church officials discovered he was a cross-dresser who was having sex in the rectory at Bridgeport’s St. Augustine Cathedral.

Monsignor Kevin Wallin was relieved of his duties in May, but the Roman Catholic Diocese of Bridgeport had continued to pay him a stipend until his Jan. 3 arrest — a day he was planning to fly to London on vacation.

Now dubbed “Msgr. Meth” by some, Wallin seemed to live a life that easily could have been ripped from the script of “Breaking Bad,” the popular AMC series about a high school chemistry teacher turned crystal methamphetamine producer. At one point, Wallin was selling upwards of $9,000 of meth a week, according to his indictment.

Connecticut Post

Normally I change the article headlines. But I couldn’t find any way to improve this one.

Wallin also was fluent in drug lingo, and in text messages he would often use street phrases such as “5 Grover Clevelands,” for $500 worth of meth or “eight balls,” for an eighth of an ounce, the indictment states.

And that works both ways. Word on the street in Bridgeport is that if you bring a choirboy to Midnight Mass at the Vatican City, you can fill your thurible for thirty pieces of silver. But watch out for Father Flatfoot!

Germany: A Catholic hospital’s worst nightmare…

… a rape victim seeking help.

Irmgard Maiworm, an emergency centre doctor, first treated the 25-year-old woman when she walked into the centre in the early hours of December 15 saying that she believed that she had been sedated with a date-rape drug and sexually assaulted.

Dr Maiworm called the neighbouring St Vincent’s Hospital, run by the Catholic Foundation of the Cellites, to arrange a gynaecological examination – but she said doctors “fearful of their jobs” refused the request.

According to Dr Maiworm, the hospital’s ethics committee, following consultation with Archbishop of Cologne Cardinal Joachim Meisner, had decided not to conduct examinations of sexual assault victims to avoid having to be in the position to recommend options such as the morning-after pill, which run contrary to Catholic teachings.

Another hospital run by the same organisation also refused to help, Dr Maiworm claimed.

Telegraph

Australia: Catholic priest sexually abuses disabled woman…

…which wouldn’t even be news, except the bastard’s been reinstated in his duties.

A leading Australian priest who sexually preyed on a disabled and vulnerable woman on Sydney’s north shore for 14 years has been allowed to return to preaching and running community groups at one of the nation’s busiest churches.

The recent decision by the Catholic Church to allow Father Tom Knowles to return to full duties at St Francis’ in Melbourne’s central business district after about 16 months of “administrative leave” has outraged his victim and victims’ groups.

Father Knowles’s reinstatement comes after the church apologised to Jennifer Herrick, paid her $100,000 in compensation and acknowledged “the harm that can be caused to vulnerable people in such a case”.

SMH

Have they no shame?

Update: The bastard has now been relieved of his duties.

Australia: Finally, a use for dead bishops!

You can blame cover-ups on them!

A Catholic Church inquiry into its handling of a priest who repeatedly sexually abused altar boys has cleared three senior clergy of a cover-up, laying much of the blame at the feet of a deceased bishop.

The present bishop of Armidale, Michael Kennedy, has apologised ‘‘unreservedly’’ to victims and their families after the investigation’s report into a  former priest  was released on Thursday.

The report – deeply critical of the diocese under his predecessor, Bishop Henry Kennedy – highlighted poor record-keeping, ineffective assessments and inaction as serious allegations against the priest  ‘‘cried out for investigation’’.

 

SMH.

Australia: PM endorses religion’s right to bigotry

PRIME Minister Julia Gillard has assured religious groups they will have the ”freedom” under a new rights bill to discriminate against homosexuals and others they deem sinners, according to the head of the Australian Christian Lobby.

Under current law, faith-based organisations, including schools and hospitals, can refuse to hire those they view as sinners if they consider it ”is necessary to avoid injury to the religious sensitivities of adherents of that religion”.

Ms Gillard has met Australian Christian Lobby managing director Jim Wallace several times, and he says she assured him ”she has no intention of restricting freedom of religion” when it comes to religious groups’ legal rights to discriminate in hiring and firing.

SMH

As a devout atheist it ‘injures my religious sensitivities’ when people try to get away with this crap.

Canada: If it’s Thursday, then it must be Ask A Confabulist Day!

Dead kids, good God — what’s up with that?

Ask the Religion Experts: How can we explain a tragedy like the Newtown shootings?

Ottawa Citizen

It’s appropriate, because these guys wrote the book on crazy! Here’s a summary, so you don’t have to read it:

Jews: Dunno.

Anglicans: ‘Cos people are shite and God hates us.

Sikhs: God knows, we don’t.

Muslims: Can we have more time, please?

Bah’ai: God? What God?

Hindus: See Sikhs above.

Atheists: Stupid question!

Buddhism: Dunno why it happened, but Buddhism could have prevented it.

Catholics: God gave us this great stuff, so dodge the question.

Fundamentalist Christians: God da man, dude! Don’t give him no shit, yo!

How come they didn’t ask any Satanists?

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Update: I didn’t realise, but at the Ottawa Citizen every Thursday is Ask A Confabulist Day!