Skip to content

UK: The Day the Forecast Died

January 29, 2013

Dedicated to the UK Meteorological Office.

To the tune of ‘American Pie’ by Don McLean

A long long time ago
I’d look out the window and predict the
Weather for the day.

If I saw clouds I’d call for rain,
If not I’d say “It’s fine again.”
And folks were fairly happy
Either way.

But lately we’ve been automated,
My good intentions are frustrated.
All of my predictions
Turn out to be fictions.

Last week I said it would be dry.
It nearly made me want to cry
When floods demolished Hay-on-Wye,
The day the forecast died.

I started singing: “Bunk, bunk, our programs are junk!
They’ve been written by a kitten or a twelve-year-old punk.
The modeller’s a toddler, or perhaps he was drunk.
And now our reputation is sunk.”

Now, if you don’t have any skills
And you’re hepped up on happy pills,
If you can’t make a living,
You’ll find the Met forgiving.

You don’t have to get it right,
Say hot is cold and black is white!
If snow clouds are a-forming,
Blame them on global warming!

If your critics point out flaws,
Tell them that you know the cause.
Say the machines have blundered
Because you’re underfunded!

When you have a CPU,
You can let it think for you!
Although sometimes its thoughts aren’t true..
The day the forecast died.

I started singing: “Bunk, bunk, our programs are junk!
They’ve been written by a kitten or a twelve-year-old punk.
The modeller’s a toddler, or perhaps he was drunk.
And now our reputation is sunk.
Now our reputation is sunk.”

We were happy girls and boys,
We had lots of brand new toys.
A high-tech installation
To model the whole nation.

Now taxpayers are getting mad.
Despite the money that we’ve had,
Our forecasts are appalling.
It’s really rather galling.

They just don’t seem to understand.
The finest programs in the land
Can’t make predictions work
When weather goes berserk.

So here’s the burden of my song,
Our models were right all along!
It’s the real world that got it wrong
The day the forecast died.

I started singing: “Bunk, bunk, reality’s junk!
It’s been written by a kitten or a twelve-year-old punk.
The modeller’s a toddler, or perhaps he was drunk.
But still, our reputation is sunk.

Still, our reputation is sunk.”

Update: Having claimed that the precipitation their forecasts failed to mention was the ‘wrong kind of rain’, the Met Office has been caught out yet again: http://notalotofpeopleknowthat.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/answers-from-chris-smith

About these ads
2 Comments
  1. If you haven’t seen the ‘global warming’ parody videos by Minnesotans For Global Warming, it would be worth your while to visit their website. Their website address is: http:/minnesotansforglobalwarming.com. They perform song parodies of global warming set to popular songs as you have written here. If you like their work, it would be interesting to share your work with them.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks

  1. UK: Floods caused by ‘the wrong type of rain’ « Religious Atrocities

Comments are closed.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 251 other followers

%d bloggers like this: